leftie Sienna Moonfire Designs: Pacific Coast Picture Stories * Website Creation & Maintenance

Sienna Moonfire Designs

Pacific Coast Picture Stories
Website Creation & Maintenance

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the Obsession Chronicles

"There is nothing worth more than this day."
-- Goethe

posted 28 April 2004

what am i doing here?


swim 46: coming back for more
(2 new Pippin slide shows up!)
swim 46: Pippin running back with the stick for another toss -- Willamette River, April 2004: photo by Sienna
my world came crashing down around me yesterday & this no longer feels like my home * i'm not going to go into the whole story but a woman, the friend of a new neighbor-to-be, threatened to bring her pit bull over here to "kill these puppies" because Malk had jumped up against the door of her car when she drove up * now jumping, on people or cars, is certainly bad & something that i am working with the pup i've only had for a few months to cure but i was right there taking responsibility & willing to talk it over * & by "talk it over" i do not mean threatening to kill my puppies * that kind of threat, the idea of a person who owns a killer pit bull, who would threaten my puppies on first meeting me, coming around this property, my home, makes me feel physically unsafe -- for my own body as well as my dog's body * the whole feel of the place is different after yesterday *
i tried to go back to my lunch after that nasty exchange (i was nothing but civil) but my day was ruined * i'm one emotional biyotch & as her threat sunk in i teetered on the edge of fury & despair * Pippin, who had no idea how his life had just changed, but sensitive as all dogs to the mood, wasn't sure whether to hide or to try to get in my lap *

walk 51: Bald Hill trail
walk 51 -- Bald Hill trail, April 2004: photo by Sienna
i struggled through lunch, trying to swallow the mama bear growls & the homeless again tears * the landlord called & offered no sympathy, only concern for her property, which is certainly her right but the reason i moved here was because of the wide open space for my dog to play, for me to garden & for the community, the good neighborly feel it had * well that may be what she said was important but that's not what she cares about *
so we went off for a walk & i hid my tears behind my sunglasses & tried not to look too menacing to the people passing by * we stopped to get Pip a chain because the fence i wanted to put up is not okay with the landlord & the one she suggested i put up is way too tiny to be worth the expense * now i hate fences & i hate chains but if my supervision doesn't keep us out of trouble then it's got to be that way *
not for long -- i'm outta here * what am i doing here anyway? i have no ties here * my only friends are my good neighbors Abby & Jason & i'm not complaining because they're awesome but what was awesome about Corvallis was Twin Maple Lane & if that's no good any more & i've already decided i need to be close to my family then what am i doing here?
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making lists: about this page

last updated 10 January 2004
the stunning movie The Pillow Book is the inspiration for this ever-evolving page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, follow the story behind this page on the one that came before it, otherwise, click on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?
the lists below may look the same but they change every time i update the page * not all of them every time, but all of them over time * as it's a new year i'm going to give them another thorough going over, keep my mind moving on to new obsessions, even though i don't completely let go of the old ones *
the 2 spots at top i'll keep -- they're always changing & besides, they please me (i'm the only audience for these pages for all i know, so why not?) * my horrorscope: i'm a woo-woo type, part pagan, so why not revel in it? & the hotties in the movies: what's life without some tasty crushes? i try to keep the list short, but when i really fall for somebody it's usually because of a generous genuine nature & then i never want to take him&her off my list * like Viggo, like Salma * i saw the elvin Cate Blanchett on Inside the Actors Studio & wow... she said "It has to be a generous act" about really giving herself to a performance emotionally, going all out as she does * the generosity of creative expression is one of my favorite concepts, the one i've begun the last 2 years with (see Viggo for last year, & Brezsny for this) * see, it's all connected *

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my horrorscope this week
(for the week of 29 April 2004):
In Montgomery, Alabama there is an intersection where Jefferson Davis Avenue meets Rosa Parks Avenue. The first street is named after the president of the secessionist slave-owning states in America's Civil War. The other is named in honor of the black woman whose brave actions in 1954 helped launch the civil rights movement. I'd like to suggest that this place is a good symbol for the crossroads where you now stand, Aries. Why? Meditate on these two possibilities. 1. The controlling, dogmatic rebel in you has come head-to-head with the flexible, freedom-loving rebel in you. 2. The loud, bellicose fighter in you is in a struggle with the poised, strategic fighter in you.

angel cards i just drew:
forgiveness    freedom    flexibility

how am i doing?
i had to laugh when i drew forgiveness * the thing is, i do forgive Jane for being a lawyer type much more concerned about ownership of her property than a sustainable community living on it * i do forgive my new neighbor for having a vicious friend with a killer pit bull * do i forgive the friend for threatening to kill my puppies? i'm not sure yet but even when i do it doesn't change the fact that i want to move on outta here because it's not my kinda place any more * which i am free to do, once my lease is up & i am certainly flexible enough to find a new place, even though i hope with all my heart that it's in Caspar near my family *

water 14: the sunlight shines on the bottom of the Willamette River in Corvallis, Oregon -- photo by Sienna
water 14
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my favorite onscreen crushes:
the boys
& the girls
the best movies i've seen lately:
movies i want to see next:
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what music is playing:

what i am reading:

green #13: looking up through the branches on the Willamette River path in Corvallis, Oregon -- photo by Sienna
green #13
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my favorite dream so far this month:
i went to a play of Return of the King with my folks * at the end when the forces of light had won, Gandalf "revealed his secret world" & the stage was flooded with light * the play was over with no curtain call & the audience was leaving quickly, including my family * i stood still, very touched by the light, almost paralyzed by the beauty of the concept & the vision * i saw Gandalf/Ian McKellen taking out the tape (a cassette tape!) that had played the music while he revealed his light * i didn't think it odd that such an important actor should be doing something so mundane because i knew that it was his tape, or Gandalf's really * he caught my eyes as i stood tranfixed & i ran toward him, knowing he would give me the tape * when i was close enough he tossed it to me & i caught it with both arms out, without looking away from his beautiful face which i saw was mottled & i wondered if it was make-up or age * he disappeared without a word & i felt a small regret that i hadn't gotten it autographed but it would've ruined the exchange, trapped him on the stage & not having it certainly didn't diminish the fact that this was the tape of Gandalf revealing his secret world * i went out, found the car & wasn't even startled to find a small white dog in my seat, i just sat in the middle *

my other favorite dream:
i had arranged for Viggo to give a workshop for a group of poet friends * i was waiting in the library with several of his poetry books, some so old & tattered that the pages were cumbling tearing thin * in one of the most well-loved books i was writing -- scribbling, scrawling, racing to keep up with the overflow of inspiration -- my own poems * some were poems, some was prose, all dreamy, driven * once i'd gotten them down i started over, writing some of them again more closely, slowly so that i could read them without halting when the workshop began * i saw Viggo before he arrived, saw him preparing his pile of gifts, personalized for each of us with old clippings & poems * he came just behind one of my friends & i did not hurry as i gave her a hug * i saw him jumping up & down behind her, as i'd known he would, with the never-failing thrill of poetry & i felt excitement gratitude calm * once she came in, turning to look at him for the first time, i fell into Viggo's open wide hug * i felt i could hug him as a friend, as a mentor returning & i felt him respond easily, sincerely, with pride * "it's an honour to be here," he said * i responded, "the honour is mine" *
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birds at my feeders this week:
Pippin stops to smell the flowers -- Corvallis River Walk, April 2004: photo by Sienna
walk 24: Pippin stops to smell the flowers
(2 new Pippin slide shows up!)
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rock 4: carving by a bench on the Bald Hill path in Corvallis, Oregon -- photo by Sienna
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questionnaire:
my answers to those questions he always asks on Inside the Actors Studio are as follows (today):
  • my most favorite word is
  • my least favorite word is pit bull
  • what turns me on is the train
  • what turns me off is the freeway
  • a sound i love is Pip jumping up onto my bed in the morning
  • a sound i hate is somebody threatening my puppies
  • my favorite curse word is b*tch
  • a profession other than my own that i would love to try is growing things
  • a profession i would hate to try is the law
  • if i end up at the pearly gates & there is a god to greet me, i would want her to say, "you can relax now, you're among friends"
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leftie walk 42: photo by Sienna
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